he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
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