If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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