she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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