Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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