seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
