She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
