WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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