If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
