Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize