At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
