he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
