giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
