Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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