i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
