And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
