I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
