you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
