Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
