Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
