I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
