Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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