My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
