Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What a dumb baby whore.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
