I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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