i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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