you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
