So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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