Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
