Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
