do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
