I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
