dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
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i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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