I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
