so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Boobs speak an international language.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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