Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
