GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he just fucked me for my cheese..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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