Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
