My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
