this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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