Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
