Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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