M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We are all done wearing pants today
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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