if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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