Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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