just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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