I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
