but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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