You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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