Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
