The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
