Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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