I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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