would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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