So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
