I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
