You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
