i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I deserve this hangover.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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