you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
