i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
