So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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