After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
