i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
