He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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