I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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