the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
