I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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