i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
