our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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