To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
