i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
